So Close and Yet So Far

Hi All, 

It's Allison.  We are just a few days away from meeting our boy and I am so ready! At the same time I am a little nervous because I know he is safe where he is.  I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions at 15 weeks, had a fall at 17 weeks and with all of the news we have gotten since finding our his gender it is a blessing to have made it to 38 weeks.  I am having several realizations this week because in all of the plans for Keller I have kind of forgotten that we get a sweet little newborn out of the deal and I had also forgotten that I'll be having another C-section. My first C-section was an urgent situation so we just rolled with it.  Afterwards, I was so in love with our new little family and so very stubborn that I wasn't going to let anything get me down.  However, volunteering for such an operation has a different feeling entirely.

There has been some confusion as to our short term plan, understandably so because it has changed many times already.  This is only a plan and things can change at any time.  At times you will see that flexibility is not always my strong suit but He's still working on me. 

The Plan:  I will call this Plan A, but to be honest it could be Plan F or even L by now.
     After Keller (which means "Little Champion" in Gaelic, by the way) is delivered he will go to the NICU to be checked out, this should be mostly investigative testing and imaging.  We are anxiously anticipating the scans that can be done after birth because it will give us answers that our previous ultrasounds haven't been able to give us.  Some of these questions include: Does he have a spleen? Is there anything with his heart that we have not seen? What do his intestines look like? (Is is common for intestines to take twists and turns because of the stomach's incorrect placement).  I am learning from research and support groups that Heterotaxy can affect all sorts of organs- and there are many things we may not know for a while.  

Because he will be in the NICU we will have to follow and respect the hospitals rules for visitation.  We expect this means a limit on the number of visitors, timing of visitors, as well as age of visitors.  This might mean that even Norah and Keller's first interaction will be by Facetime, kids these days.  In "Plan A" there will be no surprises and Keller will go home when I am ready to go home.  Once we are home I imagine will have to still be restrictive on visitors in light of germs.  We will let you know if this the case at a later date but please do not be offended if visiting isn't an option for a bit.  I might become the "crazy Germ-X mom" or may ask if you would wear a mask or a smock around him, we appreciate your understanding on this matter as well.  

A cardiologist, in Greenville, will be following Keller's status and when he deems it appropriate he will send us to Duke for surgery.  

Praises: 
 -At our last appointment the ultrasound machine and technician guessed Keller's weight to be about 7 1/2 pounds! Thank you for all of your prayers in regards to his growth, they worked!  What a blessing for him to be starting out bigger than we anticipated.  The surgeon at Duke told me it was my job to bring him the biggest baby I could and I gave him my word that I would try. 
-The doctors, especially my OB have been wonderful to work with.  I can tell she is thinking of me even when I am not there and she has enough foresight that I feel like we are prepared for just about whatever will come our way.  
-Support! I can't think of many days that have passed where someone hasn't told me they are praying for us. There have been many gifts, hugs, tears and we appreciate all of it!

Prayers:
  -As always, we are okay with God deciding to completely heal our boy!
  -My surgery and recovery
  -Bowel placement - Please pray that Keller's intestines are where they "should be" 
  -Feeding - It is paramount that he continue to grow once he's outside.  We expect this could be an uphill climb because typically heart babies have to exert so much effort into breathing and living there is little energy left to eat.  If he should have "failure to thrive" (he doesn't grow) it could force an earlier open heart surgery date, which is not ideal. 
  -Control - that I would relinquish it and truly trust God.  It is so easy to give something to God and then take it back so I can worry about it a bit more.  There are so many things that are up in the air that I cannot worry about them all and should not waste the time and energy to worry about even one.  But the fears creep in and I lose it sometimes.  I know I am human and it's "normal" but I want so much to not be "normal" in this.  One of JJ Heller's songs called Control has been playing in my car lately.  Some of the lyrics are...
                       "There were scars before my scars
                         Love written on the hands that hung the stars
                         Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me

                         Oh, control - It's time, time to let you go..."